dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
