she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
