Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize