No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
