I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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