I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
