i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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