Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
