They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
it glows. i had to have it.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
