after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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