she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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