Jerry, you need to find god
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
