Me too!
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
