I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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