I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
