he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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