bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
