Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
