Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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