this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
