yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize