I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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