Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
