Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize
