You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
