it was like getting a handjob from robocop
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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