my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
