Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
