And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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