My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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