I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
