You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i think i have two assholes
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
