I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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