I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
it glows. i had to have it.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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