After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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