I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Is Oprah even human
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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