Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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