I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
