ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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