12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
