what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
When did angry sex become our thing?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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