I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
