i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
