I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
