Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
