somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
