I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
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