i don't like sucking hair
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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