May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize