My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
