ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
