you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize