everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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