Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
