Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
