I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
