My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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