I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
