I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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