It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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