your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
