Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
