i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he thought i was a dude.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
