Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
