I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
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