I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
