Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
