Apparently you make a good broom.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
