she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
