you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
