oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
