PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
