Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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