I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
