U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
