I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
and you fell through a lawn chair
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
PANTIES FOUND
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