would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
