I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
