just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
