I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
it's like iHOP with fire
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize