I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
