he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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