So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
