i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
