I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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