who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
