Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize