Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
