would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
