hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
