Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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