But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
