its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
