arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Green mimosas i think yes
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
