I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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