Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize