I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
