Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just want to make out with him forever
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
