I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
