And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
