i wish my penis had a tongue
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
