Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
