i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
