I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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