The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
