the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
