If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize