Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
