I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Randomize
