wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
