I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
