you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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