I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Sober January is a disaster.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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