Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
