I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
