On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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