Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize