The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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