my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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