please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
